It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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