farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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