It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
