Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
