Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
