Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
