Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
