When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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