Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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