"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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