Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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