Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You smell like stripper and shame
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
