We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm always down for nudity.
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