all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sacagawea was the original milf.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're too hungover to prance.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
