can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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