He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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