i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am available for nakedness
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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