god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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