True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
