Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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