He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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