I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
