Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
