I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
