You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
