Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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