Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
