Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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