I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
