I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
