I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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