theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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