Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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