Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
