hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
