i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
MIDGETS
????
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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