Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
