I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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