i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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