remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
