Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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