just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
