just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
