hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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