I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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