Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
