It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
