Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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