I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
