everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
