I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
