there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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