woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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