Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
