Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
